The Worst Fan Ever

Can you play Wagon Wheel
A girl said to us
I know the deal
I’m sorry we don’t, don’t make a fuss
How about Jessies Girl please for us
Missus we played them. Didn’t you hear?
Oh no you didn’t you turd you queer
She whacked my guitar
Oh so hard
I could barely play
I Saw Stars
She was the worst fan ever
She really ticked me off
She was the worst fan ever
Yelling get a job

She looked at me like I couldn’t play
I said to her “missus step away”
I tried to block her out, keep going to get paid
She refused to get out of the way
Can I play the drums then she said
Good lord missus you ain’t right in the head
Can I sing a song and do the hokey pokey
What do you think this is, karaoke?
She was the worst fan ever
She really ticked me off
She was the worst fan ever
Yelling get a job

Then as we broke in to Piano man she decided to scream
All the lyrics she half knew right in to our faces green
It was a difficult task to concentrate with spit in our face
We did the best we could to keep up the pace

Play ‘one we knows’ she said with a snarl
As the Smokey beer breath floated about in a gnarl
We did our best to accommodate
in the end we were  second rate
The bouncers stepped in to keep it cool
Escorted this girl back to her stool
Pushing themselves on to the stage
Knocking equipment over in all their rage
She was the worst fan ever
She really ticked me off
She was the worst fan ever
Yelling get a job